To see you again
by Anonymous Crazy Girl
Summary: In which Jacob Kowalski struggles to accept the fact he let her slip away. A friend comes to his comfort, a friend they have more in common than he initially anticipated. Post Crimes of Grindewald. Contains spoilers for the film.


The past few hours were probably the most overwhelming of Jacob Kowalski's life. Everything had spiraled out of control so quickly, so unexpectedly that he barely had the time to comprehend what on Earth was going on. One moment he was standing onto the marble amphitheater with Queenie holding onto him for dear life, the next moment she was slipping away from him, passing through the blue flames and pausing momentarily before joining that maniac. The inbetween was still a blur. Only two words rang inside his head;

 _You're crazy_

This time he wasn't sure if he had actually meant it. It didn't matter. Those words, those simple two words were what had driven his loved one away from him in the first place and they were the ones to push her right into Grindewald's arms. That's all he could remember. The rest was lost in the haze of his memories. If he remembered something else, that was Newt pulling him aside. Nothing else.

And then, everything was over.

Not much memories from afterwards either. He was still too shook to function properly. Not until they had arrived right outside ruins of a castle that was probably built during the middle ages did he had any contact with his environment. He had furrowed his brows with confusion upon seeing Newt walking over the bridge that lead to the ruins. But how was that even possible since the bridge was also destroyed? Tina had realized his confusion and explained that they were at a place named «Hogwarts» which was a wizarding school and he couldn't see it for the reason that the castle was enchanted so Muggles wouldn't be able to discover it. He understood immediately. He caught himself not being overly excited about this new piece of information about the wizarding world that was added to his knowledge. Jacob was both mentally and physically exhausted. All he needed was a good rest, away from all this madness.

Later on, he found himself back in Newt's apartment in London. It brought him great relief that he was back in a place where he could do take his precious rest and think. But soon, Newt's apartment became suffocating due to the fact that it was linked with memories of Queenie and the hole in his chest became even more painful. It felt as if a piece of him was gone with her.

It wasn't only the loss of Queenie that was making the atmosphere suffocating. There was grief in the air, Newt's grief and Jacob respected that. After all, hadn't he lost one of his childhood friends? He couldn't tell which was worse, death or betrayal? In any case, the feeling of someone leaving was still unbearable and each of them was coping differently. Newt, being Newt, he had withdrawn next to his creatures to make sure everything had been alright during his absence while Tina had offered to help him but he had denied politely. Tina understood and let him be. He needed his space and so did she. Instead, she decided to make some tea to keep herself occupied. Jacob, on the other hand, threw himself on Newt's couch and he stared locked on nothing in particular, his gaze empty. He didn't even care to clean himself up. His hair was messy, his shirt slightly unbuttoned and his attire dusty. He wondered if Queenie was alright wherever she was now, if she was thinking of him. His heart twisted a little bit inside his chest.

It was slightly ironic that he was back to where everything had started, where he had _almost_ called her crazy. He hadn't meant it back then. He really hadn't. He only wished to keep her out of trouble. And instead, he pushed her away, abandoned her, allowed her to flee in a city far away. And these were the consequences of his actions. If only he hadn't been such an ignorant fool... His poor angel, only thing she wanted was for them to be happily married, build their own happy family together. Paradise.

But how could that happen when there were laws restricting them? Not that he liked it either, it wasn't fair. But how far were they willing to go in order to achieve their dream? That far so as to sacrifice innocent lives? Were they willing to pay that price? No. He didn't want that. He didn't want their happiness to be built upon the suffering of others. He didn't want their story to be like that. He clenched his fists. Now it was too late to cry tears. He should have acted on his beliefs way sooner. Not that he hadn't tried at all. But it wasn't enough.

"Jacob?"

He hadn't realized that someone was addressing him. He looked up to see Tina looking down at him in concern. She was standing over him with two cups of hot, steaming tea in each hand.

"Oh yeah." he muttered as he accepted her offer. "Thanks."

He brought the cup in his lips and took a sip. The hot liquid burnt his neck but he couldn't bring himself to care enough. It was tasty though. It was English tea, after all. Tina sat next to him in complete silence, drinking off her own tea. Only then did Jacob remember that she was hurting alongside him. After all, she was Queenie's sister, the only family each other had. He hadn't come to thought how difficult it must have been for her. They shared a loss. A link between them. He wanted to say something reassuring but the words wouldn't come. He remained silent for a little bit.

The silence building up between them was so thick, you'd think someone could just slice through it with a knife. The only sound that could be heard was their sippings. An occasional growl originating by one of Newt's beasts. Jacob would glance at Tina, searching for the right words to say, not necessarily about Queenie. He just wanted to sparkle a conversation.

"So uh..." he began somewhat awkwardly. "How are things between you and Newt?"

Tina took a sip before responding. "Well, we managed to clear some things out between us but there's still a long way to go."

"You bet." Jacob muttered.

Tina sighed. "It can wait. There are other priorities ahead." she pointed out.

Jacob understood what he meant. He gulped before taking another sip off his tea. He avoided her piercing gaze.

She was probably debating on what to say next.

"Jacob." she said and her voice came out unexpectedly soft. "I don't know what happened between you and my sister but if I had to make a guess, things derailed, didn't they?"

He finally looked at her. "You know how she's like, probably better than anyone else. All she wanted was us to build family. And I wanted that too." he said with sincerity. "But we couldn't. I told her so so many times but she refused to listen."

"I know. That's why we weren't in the best terms in the first place..." Tina muttered.

"And then we had a fight and I said things I shouldn't have... And then she came over Paris to find you. I don't know what happened to her there. I came over later with Newt, but you already know that. That and what happened afterwards..."

"What do you think happened? Do you think Grindewald approached her?"

Jacob shrugged. "Who knows. Probably. I don't know what he did to her but when I saw her again at that godforsaken amphitheater, she was... Don't know... Different, I'd say? She looked slightly brainwashed, if you know what I'm sayin'."

"Grindewald is a gifted wizard. He can be quite persuasive." Tina sighed, shaking her head. "If he promised her a world where she would be able to marry you, then..." she trailed off.

Of course. It was her deepest desire after all. She didn't need another reason to join Grindewald. All her actions were for _them_. Jacob remained silent for a few moments, trying to organize his thoughts.

"I'm sorry." he said softly, still not looking at the auror. "I know how much you meant to each other, being the only family left and everything. I didn't mean to push her away from you, Tina."

"Hey." Tina came closer to him and touched his shoulders. "Don't apologize, Jacob. You did nothing wrong. I don't blame you for what happened. If anything, I should have been there for my sister. I allowed my job to drive me away from her."

He looked back at her. Generally, she was the polar opposite of her sister. But the eyes carried the same softness, he could tell as much.

"All I've been is trouble since day one. Maybe she should have left me obliviated." he chuckled humorlessly.

"Don't you dare say that again. You've always been a huge helping hand. If I go ask Newt, he'd the exact same thing." she scolded him. "That's why we kept you around."

His broken heart warmed. He smiled. "Thanks, I suppose..." he trailed off, due to lack of better words.

Her image was brought up to his mind again. Her blonde, curly hair, her soulful eyes, her bright smile. Everything was snapped away in a moment because of that phsycopath.

Boiling anger filled his veins.

"I know I'm not special like you guys. I don't have any magic." he began. "But I swear, I'm going to fight this psychopath with everything that I got, just so to get her back." he said, clenched his teeth.

Tina squeezed his shoulders. "I know you will, Jacob. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." he let a low growl. "I haven't done anything yet that's worth praise. I let her go twice, but I promise you Tina, I won't do the same mistake again."

"Don't be so harsh on yourself now."

"Trust me, I know what I'm saying."

"You did what was best for her. There's a big difference between what she needs and what she wants and you did the right thing about the whole marriage issue." Tina insisted.

"Maybe." Jacob backed off a little. "But if that's the price I pay, not seeing her again, will it be worthy?" he inquired, his insecurities taking over for a moment.

"You'll see her again. All of us will." she promised in a soft voice. "Remember, we'll stand together in this war against Grindewald."

"We will." Jacob nodded. And once again, the image of Queenie flashed in his mind. On what great lengths he'd go to see her again... The sacrifices he was now willing to make. Just to see her again, feel her, tell her how much he loved her... _This_ would be worth it.

He only hoped than when he would see her again, she'd realize the truth. And if she hadn't, he would show her. He'd fix that. For that, he was sure.


End file.
